It’s February 2nd, a day after the East End was pounded with snow and wind. It’s 40 degrees out, drizzly and gray. Tomorrow’s forecast: drizzly and gray. Ah, the glamorous Hamptons in the off-season.
But don’t, friends and neighbors, get your hopes up too high when you head to Citarella to pick up a few trifles. Reports Vanity Fair, “demand for truffles, uni, and caviar has ‘doubled to tripled’ due to ‘a different type of winter than ever before,’ said a Citarella spokesperson. At times, she said, the store has sold out completely.” SHOCK HORROR. (Seriously, we’re not surprised. We were in Citarella East Hampton on Christmas Eve and the queue for caviar was a dozen people.) Can’t someone fly in some emergency truffles via Blade or something? What’s the point of being a rich Hamptonite if our desires are not immediately met?
Also apparently running low? Ammunition. We too love hunting the Poors for sport, but we’d like to remind fellow citizens that you’re supposed to use blanks. It’s bad form otherwise.
Not running low? Septic systems. Apparently cityfolk, with their fancy sewers, don’t know that their country pile’s sanitary system periodically needs a call from the stool bus. Systems are backing up and lawns are seeping. “Quackenbush said the company has hauled 30% more waste from residential tanks since March 2020,” reports Vanity Fair.
And if things weren’t bad enough, East Hampton Village beach parking permits–free to village residents–are now $500 for the hoi polloi, up from $400 last year. Fumed one homeowner, “They are nickel-and-diming all the joy out of the community.” Listen, folks, let’s all just relax and have some lumpfish roe on our blinis. Summer is coming.
