Broker Babble, Deciphered

Real estate brokers tend to use the same terms when they write property listings; here’s what they really mean.

Bring your toothbrush: Bring your architect

Bring your architect: Bring your bulldozer

Distant ocean view: Stand on a kitchen chair, squint really hard and maybe some blue will appear

Priced to sell: Has been on the market for four years now

Zen: Buddhas, bamboo, bonsai

Old world elegance: Tacky AF

European styling: Tony and Carmela’s summer place

Elegant: Welcome to Massapequa

Gourmet kitchen: Has a stove, fridge, and sink

Chef’s kitchen: Has a stove, fridge, sink, and dishwasher

Opportunity: Grandma croaked

Postmodern: Looks like a bank; just add bulletproof glass

Stark modern: Looks like a correctional facility; just add razor wire

Impeccable modern: Looks like a Melville dentist’s office; just add 110 traffic

So much potential: Godawful right now, semi-godawful in the future

Tons of potential: Hope you like the 80s!

East Hampton Village Fringe: Practically in Connecticut

Quaint: Super small

Cozy: Dark as a cave at midnight

Unique: Teardown

True turn-key: Teardown

Charming: Teardown