Real estate brokers tend to use the same terms when they write property listings; here’s what they really mean.
Bring your toothbrush: Bring your architect
Bring your architect: Bring your bulldozer
Distant ocean view: Stand on a kitchen chair, squint really hard and maybe some blue will appear
Priced to sell: Has been on the market for four years now
Zen: Buddhas, bamboo, bonsai
Old world elegance: Tacky AF
European styling: Tony and Carmela’s summer place
Elegant: Welcome to Massapequa
Gourmet kitchen: Has a stove, fridge, and sink
Chef’s kitchen: Has a stove, fridge, sink, and dishwasher
Opportunity: Grandma croaked
Postmodern: Looks like a bank; just add bulletproof glass
Stark modern: Looks like a correctional facility; just add razor wire
Impeccable modern: Looks like a Melville dentist’s office; just add 110 traffic
So much potential: Godawful right now, semi-godawful in the future
Tons of potential: Hope you like the 80s!
East Hampton Village Fringe: Practically in Connecticut
Quaint: Super small
Cozy: Dark as a cave at midnight
Unique: Teardown
True turn-key: Teardown
Charming: Teardown
I think that one was on FixerUpper.
Just add some white shiplap!
Tony & Carmela’s summer place — DYING